change...

...i hate change.

Over the past couple of days i have actually come to terms with the fact i think i have some mental problem. I haven’t been sleeping well at all, i'm stressy, i cry too much in unusual situations/places, i have serious mood swings... and well i fucked my body up. Yeah. I’m not fricken normal am i?

Please, ignore me. ima stupid bitch that is just upset. i'll be okay once i hit the gym in about an hour.

you see, i like routine, everything in its place so i know where my head and heart are at. i guess that’s the little sort of OCD thing, you know, cos everyone has something like that right? okay, i'm desperately trying to reassure myself that nothing will change, i just can’t do it. i can’t deal with change. it takes me too long to re-adjust after.

Saturday was a weird day. i won’t fill you in with what exactly happened. but... i ended up crying in a field. classy, i know. i don’t think i had ever been so scared and terrified in my life, and don’t worry, it wasn’t about anything serious, well not serious to you anyway. but yeah, i needed reassurance. which i didn’t get until i called him. and i heard the words "i love you" and i was happy again. just so you know, it was all in my head, there was nothing wrong in our relationship.



gonna get ready for the gym,
kthxbai