i need to look
no no i dont
yes i do
no
yes
no
maybe?
no.

yeah thats pretty much the conversation running through my head right now -.-
so its like 5 and a half hours?
ah shit.

so tomorrow's my birthday. wow.

today is the day that i find out what my birthday surprise is. im so flipping excited! i cant wait.

i saw that i have an email, but i cant look, its so tempting, but i know i cant.
ahhhhhh, the suspense will kill me.

my mum said to me i will love it, that my boyfriend has put in so much thought and i'll probably cry when i find out what it is. thanks mum, that doesnt make me wanna open it even more, noooo -.-

only like 7 hours until i find out..
maybe a couple of history essays will help me forget and make the time go quicker? hahahaha, not gonna happen, but i'll do the essays anyway..


i'll keep ya posted on how im doing
xo

i need to go car shopping.

right about now i have a killer headache, i just wanna snuggle in bed and cuddle up to my boyfriend with a disney dvd and some lime milkshake.

reality. killer headache, AS Work and music. guess it'll have to do.

mhm, i was right. shouldnt of done anything for my birthday.

Is it so bad that i count down the hours and minutes until i can just fall into your arms and be held by you? To see that beautiful smile again. See those glittery blue eyes. Photos just don't cut it anymore, sure they remind me of things we've done together, but they’re not you. I don’t just want to see you, i need to see you. You wouldn’t believe how crazy and moody i get without you. You thought it was bad when you're around. Try seeing me when you're not. You’d run a fucking mile, i just know it. You're promises are the most important thing to me. That’s what keeps me going until i see you again. I’ve literally gone mad. No one would possibly understand this. I guess, now this will sound so pathetic and it will probably sound better in my head but you are my Edward and i am your Bella. Is it terrible that in New Moon, when Edward leaves Bella i always feel so sorry for her, because i could never survive if that happened to me. I don’t know why i always need you're reassurance all the time, i’m just so scared. It’s pathetic really. I’m pathetic. But I need you more than anything, because you are my whole world.

sdogv hidsfv\isvl;o\suvgpi;\ov\oihfvaio fhosughuiegf;oidfg\uiegfoi;rhfv\'oehfiusg'osdghigf

yeah thats pretty much how i feel in a nut shell.
i'll never be good enough no matter how hard i try, im just a little human wreak.

rahhhh, i do feel lower than low.
i'm sorry for everything - everything that you dont even know.
i'm so stupid its unreal.









sorry.

i wish i was as beautiful as the women you see in magazines

eurgh, i feel like shiiiiite.



But i had a lovely meal with my parents and boyfriend last night. even if a man looked like he wanted to kill me, people annoyed me with their accents and the waitor stood on my foot (Y)

i'm in a real blog-writing mood today.

mmm, having a lazy day, i know i shouldnt, i should be doing some work for sixthform, but i feel all drained at sleepy. I might go watch one of the dvds or something, something simple and easy.

I'm going out with a couple friends tomorrow, gotta catch a bus at 9:15am, ah, i hate early mornings. i'll probably be getting up at eight, maybe half seven cos i need to wash my hair. eugh, i dont even know what to wear. then after one friend goes, we're gonna get other people to meet us up there. Then tomorrow evening, im going out for dinner with my parents and my boyfriend to celebrate my GCSE results, yayay.

i really wanna go to bed, snuggle under the covers and go to sleep for a while. not an option i'm afraid.




off to watch a dvd, toodlepip xo

So, I'm going to write a longer blog today, then do some sixth form prep work.

Yesterday I had a huge urge to run out into my garden and dance in the rain, I didnt. One of my flaws is being too practical, i mean theres being practical and safe...then theres me. I wont do much out of my comfort zone i think its because im too scared. I dont really like putting myself 'out there' as it were. I'm scared. Scared of almost everything, sometimes even myself. which makes me sad, why should i be scared, i mean my whole life is changing right now, i enrolled in my sixthform today, having my 17th birthday in a week and my first driving lesson three days after that.

its so far out of my comfort zone its unreal

I wanna talk about something happier now, ooh yeah. I told you I got my results yesterday and my parent and grandparents are proud of me and happy for me. I text my boyfriend when i got home and told him my results and he said that he was so proud of me, which instantly put an even bigger grin on my face. He said that he wanted to come and see me after he finished work, so he did. When i opened the door to him he was stood there with a huge bunch of red roses - my favorite flower - my face just lit up and i just felt like crying with happiness, this day had just been so perfect, after i worried so much about it.

Its things like that that make me realised how perfect my boyfriend really is.

They say that the biggest lie a girl can tell is "I'm fine". Well my boyfriend sees right through that and wont leave me alone until he knows what's wrong with me. i love his stobborness sometimes, its so cute. he always succeeds and makes me feel better afterwards. mmm, i love him.

p.s, i didnt know you could colour words, ehehe

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY :D

i'm so so so happy. 7Cs 3Bs and 1A!

I FRICKEN PASSED MATHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! FUCK TO THE YEAHHHH.

"did you ever know that you're my hero?" pretty much what i wanna ask my boyfriend.

i know how many times i write about him and you're probably bored as fuck reading about it, but i dont careeeeeee. he's my one and only hero.

shut up and leave me alone, i dont need this right now.

ah, i negleted you. im sorry! forgive me?
yes? yayayay.


weird mood.

not quite sure how i feel about tomorrow. results day.
pretty sure im fucked.

oh shit..

i just read a blog i wrote a while ago. the one where i said about how much i miss being close to my dad.

i miss it more than ever now. i think im gonna cry.


things have changed so much.
and i better not write anymore.


bye

is it so terrible that i really want someone from my drama group to learn the B.O.B bit to Airplanes so i can sing the Hayley Williams bit?

its one of the few songs i think i can sing.

theres only one person i think could do it, maybe two...

"i could use a wish right now" yesssss :)

please, pretty please?
<3333333

"i've been waiting too long for you to get naughty, come on touch my body" YES LADY GAGA ;D

so the fact i hated Airplanes by B.O.B and Hayley Williams like two weeks ago, and now i cant get enough of it - is just well weird. i have it on youtube. Hayley Williams's voice in it is just beautiful.

oh yeah, i was moodswingy last night. not good. once again my boyfriend had to listen to me moaning and my upset-ness. i feel so fricken sorry for him sometimes. but he really cheered me up and made me realise how lucky i am. thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. not that he will read this?


right so its roughly two weeks until i turn 17 - this is scary. i can learn to drive.

for my boyfriends birthday i planned him a surprise and gave him clues ect. he never guessed what it was. and now he has a birthday surprise planned for me, and i have no idea what it is. i like to know these things, so i can prepare myself for it. but im sure i will love it :D i cant wait to find out what it is :D



<3<3<3
8months 8days, jus' sayin'

on phone.

my mammas so good to me. she bought loads of clothes and an american bag and some new boots that i wanted and cant wait to wear :D i love my mamma <3333

lols your gonna need me now right..as i was - your gonna be second best. see how ya like it :)


well looking forward to today, gym session at 11 then come home and change for going out with my boyfriend and his friends to the cinema :)

need sleepz.
noight xo

the fact that you dont give a fucking damn is pissing the hell out of me. you couldnt give two shits about me. so you know what? i dont fucking care anymore.

go on, rub it all in my face. see if i care. i have my life and you have yours, i guess we just dont mix well anymore. like oil and water.


ah. i feel so much better now.

so i didn't sleep well last night, i knew i wouldn't.
although my mood has changed, but it doesn't mean its changed to a good one, unfortunately.

i just feel that I'm no where near good enough.

lets leave it at that.



I've had a dream for a while. I've always wanted to sing Marc Cohn's song Walking in Memphis, in front of an audience. i guess, it wont happen. I'm not good enough, and i would never have the confidence to sing a solo.

ah, i wanna cry.

so i got this up on my phone. but no predictive. fack. takes ages to write one word :|

short and sweet...
bad mood

but just had a cute text that cheered me up a little :) i fucking love my boyyy<3

i hope sleep will cure my mood. probably not.
let's see, ey?


night xo

hello wednesday. i feel a little angry today. i think i know why. but hey!

im going to the gym in a couple hours, burn off calories and anger. yayay.
i desparately need to lose weight, i've gained again, friiiiick.
30mins on the tredmill i think.

i hope Mr. Stripeypjpants comes back. that would litterally make my day xD

Maybe this is just the way things were meant to be...everything happens for a reason, right?

I didn’t sleep well last night; it took me well over two hours to drift off. That’s bad. It’s not been that bad since, well...i can’t actually remember. Something tells me i will be using my lavender oil tonight. I hate when i can’t sleep, everything just runs through my head, i over-think everything, and come up with impossible and slightly depressing situations in my mind. I imagined how my life would turn out, whether i would be happy or not with choices i have and will make. It was completely unclear whether i was happy or not. Which makes me regret a little. but i guess, there’s not really time to regret anymore, i just have to get on with the choices i have made, whether they were good decisions or not.

I know that i have at least made one if not two good choices in the past year. Getting my first job, to earn money for things that i want and need. And the other, telling the person that i love, just that. That is probably the single best choice i have ever made. He genuinely makes me happy. And i honestly do not know where i would be without him. He’s helped me so much over the eight months that we've been together. He’s helping me overcome some fears of mine, and helping me face some problems that i have at the moment. He is most definitely my hero. I truly mean that.

I've realised how much things have changed over the past year, recently, meaning last night in bed. I've just grown up so much. I'll be learning to drive in a month, going to sixth form, and working. I guess it’s a lot of pressure. But once i pass my test, get my qualifications then i can do what i want, when i finally decide what that is. I really thought that i wanted to be a vet nurse, i have for years, but now i think i would much prefer working in a Zoo, still with the animals, but more in the conservation side of things, looking after their welfare and teaching people and children about them in talks. I think i would love that a lot more than being in a vet practise. So when i go to college, i want to study zoology. I think i’m quite looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life, i guess that’s what you could call it.

But, one thing, i’m only going to do what makes me happy. Not to try and please anyone else, it’s just not worth it in the long run of things, i'll only get hurt and disappointed. So i’m going to do what’s best for me, from now on.

dear blogger,

i want tumblr, shame i get confused with it and then end up sticking to you eh?

love katie x

i wish i could drive already; i wanna pack up a bag, wkd in hand drive off for a couple of days and just drink in some field maybe by some beautiful lake.

i wish i wish. too right i fucking do.

alright alright..

im sorry, things are just well...difficult.
im going for a walk, to clear my headdd.

byez/.

YOUR SO..

SDKJFH LODG;ORIJGF\ISFOAIB\LISFOHF ;\AFH '\IPHGV\I;
yeah.

hm, not in the moood. fck sake.

"all i need is an apology, is that too much?" apparently so.

y'know what. fuck you. fuck everything. im gonna do what i like now, im not gonna try to please you. or be like you to make you happy. im me!?

who said i have to make you happy anyway. you obviously are without me around, so yeaaaaah.


ah, i feel better now.

oh frick...

the lush hello kitty top i bought isnt as long as i thought it was :/ fack. i cant wear it with my green tights now. top + tights + me = shlaaaaaaaaaaag... and i'd rather not go there thanks.

k..

basically, yesterday was weird. good shopping trip with the girls, then my boyf came over, which was lovely, cos i was so weird not waking up to him yesterday morning, DAMN HIS EARLY SHIFT. ahehe. yeah im normal.

rahhhh, what to do for my birthday? any ideas?
fack.

i aint gonna lieeeee,

i've changed mannnn. again. woohoo.

"the summer is a bummer if you cant leave this pathetic excuse of a town" damn right bitch.

i dont like all the music i did before - all the screamo darker music, i like my boybands... a lot. and ofcourse paramore etcccc. but yeah. i adore JLS and nevershoutnever right now. how weird. and i actually like a lot of chart music too. i never like it. oh well. i dont actually care. i change a lot. im still me. i think? paaaa. if people dont like it, fuck off! i dont actually give a crap right now. yayayay.

if you want me in your life please let me know, cuzzz i cba with fake people and people that just dont care, yeah, kthx.

this is blunt. ooh don'cha love it.



feeeeeeeeeeeeeling good.
ciaooooo
xoxoxoxooxox <3