Maybe this is just the way things were meant to be...everything happens for a reason, right?

I didn’t sleep well last night; it took me well over two hours to drift off. That’s bad. It’s not been that bad since, well...i can’t actually remember. Something tells me i will be using my lavender oil tonight. I hate when i can’t sleep, everything just runs through my head, i over-think everything, and come up with impossible and slightly depressing situations in my mind. I imagined how my life would turn out, whether i would be happy or not with choices i have and will make. It was completely unclear whether i was happy or not. Which makes me regret a little. but i guess, there’s not really time to regret anymore, i just have to get on with the choices i have made, whether they were good decisions or not.

I know that i have at least made one if not two good choices in the past year. Getting my first job, to earn money for things that i want and need. And the other, telling the person that i love, just that. That is probably the single best choice i have ever made. He genuinely makes me happy. And i honestly do not know where i would be without him. He’s helped me so much over the eight months that we've been together. He’s helping me overcome some fears of mine, and helping me face some problems that i have at the moment. He is most definitely my hero. I truly mean that.

I've realised how much things have changed over the past year, recently, meaning last night in bed. I've just grown up so much. I'll be learning to drive in a month, going to sixth form, and working. I guess it’s a lot of pressure. But once i pass my test, get my qualifications then i can do what i want, when i finally decide what that is. I really thought that i wanted to be a vet nurse, i have for years, but now i think i would much prefer working in a Zoo, still with the animals, but more in the conservation side of things, looking after their welfare and teaching people and children about them in talks. I think i would love that a lot more than being in a vet practise. So when i go to college, i want to study zoology. I think i’m quite looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life, i guess that’s what you could call it.

But, one thing, i’m only going to do what makes me happy. Not to try and please anyone else, it’s just not worth it in the long run of things, i'll only get hurt and disappointed. So i’m going to do what’s best for me, from now on.