This might turn into quite an emotional blog; I want to write about my past a little.
I miss how close me and my dad used to be, we used to spend Sundays together, just me and him. We would go out for the day or even just a ride in the car for a while. It was lovely, just spending time together while my mum was at work. It’s all changed since I’ve grown up. I and my dad have become very alike in some of our personal qualities. We both can become very hot headed and lose our temper quickly, usually with each other. If you actually know me, you probably won’t see these qualities in me. I can control them sometimes. I just think that because we are so alike we just press each other’s buttons and annoy each other. I still remember the first proper argument we had. Shouting at each other and he was throwing swear words at me. That was the first time that i became very annoyed at him. Unfortunately, after that we seemed to argue a lot. Now, it’s different, we don’t seem to argue that much anymore, which i am grateful for.
I miss my granddad. A lot. I miss him every day. I haven’t cried in a while. Although i was close to it the other day. As you have probably of guessed he has passed away. I miss him so much, it’s not that it was a shock that he died, because we did have a lot of time to prepare for it, but i guess in a way you always imagine how it will be after their gone, and you prepare for that. But when it happens it’s ten times worse and you struggle through. I remember the week before he died. We got told he didn’t have long left, and that in itself was a shock that none of us were prepared for. Obviously over the last couple of years we had seen him deteriorate dramatically. Watching someone that you love dearly change into someone that doesn’t recognise his own family is the most horrible thing in the world, no one should have to see that. It was a shock every time i went to see him, because i was younger my mum stopped me from seeing him regularly, she would make sure she saw him while i was at school. I wish she hadn’t of done that and i could of spent more time with him. He had few good days and lots of bad days. In the last week, he was in a sort of coma. He didn’t eat or drink anything. It was like his body had given up on him, since he couldn’t physically swallow it would have been hard to eat anything. On one of his last days we got a call, while we were watching a local football match, me and my mum rushed to the Elderly Home and went to see him, we spent hours talking to him, with no response. We even had a little radio that played him music. I remember Take That's song Rule The World came on, me and my mum sang it to him, the lyrics at the time were quite fitting. Since then each time i hear that song, i think of him, it’s his song, it belongs to him. At 2:13AM we got a phone call. He'd gone, forever. No cuddles, no magic tricks, no biscuits, no granddad, ever. he was gone. we went and said our goodbyes. i miss him; i'm starting to cry now, so i had better stop.
talk later maybe.
ciao ox
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