realisations.

I’ve realised some things. The dreams that I’ve had for years are now going to be non-existent. I need to make new dreams. Dreams with the people that make me happy. I’ve also realised, i would never be able to leave England as planned. My whole life is here. Everything i want is here. Sure, achieving my dreams would mean the world to me, but my life here means more. The people mean everything, and i genuinely mean that. I would be nothing without them. I guess dreams never do come true. Not the life long ones. It would either be my life here, or there. I couldn’t ask people to change their dreams for me. I couldn’t ask them to leave everything they knew for something to only make me happy. That’s selfish. I’m not like that. I’m giving up on my dream, for a new dream. Here. I think i like this dream just as much as the one before. My original dream was rare. And i’m very sure not many people succeed in doing it, there’s no chance that i would. Not me. I’m an average girl. Nothing special.

My life is changing now. I don’t like change. I never have and i’m sure i never will. I like routine. For things to stay the same for once. This makes the dream i had before impossible. I’m leaving compulsory education tomorrow. As much as i said that i hated my school, I’m going to miss the way things are. The routine and the people. Not so much teachers- well some. But the friends i never thought i’d make. They have made my school life what it is. They have given me so many laughs and memories that i will never forget. Some are moving away, but hopefully we will keep in touch and meet up. One person in particular that is moving away, i have known since year four- so that makes seven years. That’s practically half of my lifetime. I will miss her, and her bubbly personality. I’m not singling her out as though it’s just her i’ll miss. I’ll miss all my friends, even the ones staying on; we might not be in classes together. I remember being told once that the school days are some of the happiest times of your life- whoever said that to me was right. They are. Now we are all going to do our exams and start making lives for ourselves. It’s a scary thought. But i’m sure that it will all work out for everyone, including me.

I’m off for a while- sorry that was deep today.
Ciao xx