i guess i need to say this

*deep breaths...in...out...in...out*


I don’t think i'm going to cope over the next month. I really don’t. I have most of my exams and a show to put on. Well six shows in total. I’m not worried so much about the show it’s the exams. I think for the next month i'm going to resign myself to textbooks and revision guides, these will be the reading material. They will be my friends and extended family. Ironically, i typed fail instead of family. I’m not going to have much of a social life, or life i suppose in the next month. Blogs, facebooking and tweets will probably be minimal. I suppose this Saturday will be my last night of freedom, apart from rehearsals. Spending that time with my boyfriend will be very important to me. Even if only for a few hours. I will most likely become irritable, moody and tired. As i expect i will have difficulty sleeping in the next few weeks, oh joy- something to look forward to. Oh fuuuu--- just realised i have 16 days until my last exam. Fuck.

I've also realised one of my flaws. I can’t be open about my feelings- face to face. I have some difficulty with saying things to people close to me. I think that’s why i write so much of it in my blogs because i just can’t say it to the people. take my boyfriend for example, i tell him i love him face to face- no problem- if i tried to tell him how much he actually means to me i think he would run a mile. If i told him half the things i think he would run. and also i don’t feel like i can talk to my bestfriends about all this because i don’t want to make them feel bad- they are two amazing girls that deserve so much happiness. They deserve to feel the way i do with someone by their side. Trouble is, the boys they like don’t realise how special they are. And i feel if i tell them all this stuff they will get upset- like i would feel as if i'm rubbing it in their faces. Which i don’t wanna come across as i'm doing. If you know me, you would realise i'm not like that at all.




So i best make friends with my history textbook and then my biology revision guide.
I hope to blog soon, but if not, i shall see you in just under a month.

Ciao ox