One month seven days. I litterally cannot wait.

the wind swept, dragged through a bush backwards, attack by a vampire look was definately what I was going for today.

I wrote my christmas list last night, teehee. I'm starting my shopping today and I have an urge to put loads of christmas music on my ipod.

Christmas is by far the best time of year! I love it!

I wish I could have her beautiful figure...

"he had just recognized her as someone he knew a long time ago"

Everyone makes little mistakes, little spelling mistakes happen so often, but its ones like those that change the meaning of the sentence completely.

I know you didn't mean it, and I know you care. But in a sick and twisted way I'm glad you're worried it shows me how much you care. You have no idea how much I just wanna wrap my arms around you and tell you everythings okay, and I love you.

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore, sorry for being a bitch again.

4140.) I hate my body; everything about it makes me really insecure

I wish this wasn't true.

I'm now only doing the day's that I can be bothered to do....

I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my MySpace.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.
I can be paranoid at times.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet

I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.
I have bathed someone.
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I like the taste of blood.
I love sleeping.
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I was born in a country other than the US.
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I consume at least one alchoholic drink every month.

I have/had:
Graduated high school.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Rode every ride at an amusement park
Collected something really stupid.
Helped someone.
Watched four movies in one night.
Been dumped.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over £200 in one day.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a hamster.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Taken pictures with a webcam.


My hair is naturally the color ___.
Light brown.
Medium brown
Dark brown
Blonde
Black
Dirty blonde.
Strawberry blonde
Purple


My eyes are ___.
Brown
Blue
Green
Grey
Light brown


My sexual orientation is ___.
Straight.
Gay
Bisexual.


I am a ___.
Male
Female

People sometimes label me as ___, even though I don’t really care.
Slut
Girly
Prude
Nerd
None Really
[Almost everything]

My longest relationship was ___. (including on and off relationships)
1 month or less
2 months
3 months
4 months
5 months
6 months
7 months
8 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
A year+
Two years or more
I’ve never been in a real relationship.

Some of my biggest fears are ___.
Spiders/other insects
Dying
Doctor/dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
Being alone in the dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Holes
Large animals
Small animals
Dying young
Old people

I have ___.
A friend with benefits
A computer in my room
A television in my room
Good grades
My own car
UnMarried parents

day 14 - your earliest memory.

I dont really know what my earliest memory would be, I don't remember much of being a todler, if anything really. I guess what I remember that was early on would be being in reception at school, with painting and thing sand thing. I had the nicest teacher ever and my mum helped out sometimes.

day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

This is easy, South Africa. I think its just the most beautiful place in the world.

day 12 - bullet your whole day.

• Got up
• Got a shower and dressed
• Had breakfast
• Brushed my teeth
• Walked to sixthform
• Had double history
• Had break
• Had geography then english
• Walked home
• Ate lunch and watched inbetweeners
• This

Day 11 was too long..

day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss.

Quite obviously, I have a different view on my first "love" now, then when it was actually happening. Looking back on it now, I was so stupid. I don't even think that he "loved" me. I mean he said he did, but I was 14, immature and naive I guess. I didn't have any experiences of boyfriends, he was my first. I didn't know how to act or feel or anything. I don't suppose you could call it a real relationship, we didn't really talk all that much, a couple of texts a night and saw each other once a week, if that. It went on for about five months, until he ended it. For a 14 year old it was heartbreaking in the moment it happened, two days later i was over him. Seems slightly pathetic now really, if i really did "love" him then it would have taken a lot longer than two days. While I was going out with him I was warned of him, that he was a user, being the naive child I was I didn't really take much notice of this and carried on, looking back on it, he probably did, I was just some girl that he didn't really know that well, we barely knew each other, how could that be love? clearly its not. As for the kiss, it was the same boy that I had my first kiss with. I don't really remember it all that well, we were just walking along I think, and I just looked at him and he kissed me. I think that was it.

If you asked me now, who was my first proper love. I would say my current boyfriend. I remember every little detail of how we got together, our first kiss and the moment he asked me out for real. Having the confidence to actually tell someone that you like them is like putting all your faith and power into them, it's overwhelming. But to have them say to you that they like you back, is the greatest feeling in the world. That was probably one of the happiest moments of my life so far. Our first kiss was after we both admitted that we liked each other, we were watching Love Actually - How fitting! - and we were sitting on the sofa his arms around me, cuddling me and I just turned round to look at him, and we both just glanced into each others eyes, leaned in and there you go, the most perfect kiss. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

I'm skipping day nine, since I've already done it

day 08 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

I'd say last summer, I'd completed and passed all my GCSEs and didn't reallly have much to worry about. I got to spend lots of time relaxing, with my boyfriend and my family. The only "hard" thing I had to do was work, and that didn't really require much effort.

day 07 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Virgo

Modest and shy - Yes

Meticulous and reliable -Yes

Practical and diligent - Yes

Intelligent and analytical - Analytical yes

Fussy and a worrier - YESYESYES

Overcritical and harsh -Yes

Perfectionist and conservative - I can be

So yeah, I'm just meant to be a Virgo I guess.

day 06 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
I can't promise that they will be interesting...

1. I'm a pessimist
2. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, I love him so much
3. I consider myself a very lucky person
4. My family mean so much to be, even if they annoy me sometimes
5. I consider my family to be just my parents and my dogs
6. I have major moodswings on a day-to-day basis
7. I often get headaches
8. I worry far too much about things I probably shouldn't
9. My favourite colours are blue and orange, but I like purple and yellow too
10. I love JLS
11. I'm currently doing my A-Levels; Btec Science, English, geography and history
12. I adore Katy Perry, I think she's a beautiful woman
13. I have lots of opinions, I just don't voice them
14. I would do anything to be slim and pretty
15. I want to go to a Uni in Manchester
16. My favourite holiday was South Africa and I would love to go back
17. I enjoy photography, even if I don't get much of a chance to do it
18. I like writting essays
19. I love Disney
20. I think that Rhinos are cute
21. I want to be a Zoologist and study animal behaviour
22. I'm really pale
23. I love apple crumble, homemade is the best
24. Mint choc chip is my absolute favourite icecream
25. There's only one person who knows be better than anyone, my boyfriend
26. I litterally only trust three people, my parents and my boyfriend
27. I love the smell of shampoo
28. When I was born I had black hair that faded to blonde
29. I love lime milkshake
30. I'm a real romantic

I was such a bitch yesterday. Not even kidding, I was horrible. I'm sorry.

day 05 - a time you thought about ending your own life.

I haven't.

day 04 - your views on religion.



I don't really follow any religion, it's just something I've never done. I respect peoples' religions, its their choice to believe what they believe as long as they don't attempt to force it on to me.

day 04 - your views on religion.

I don't really follow any religion, it's just something I've never done. I respect peoples' religions, its their choice to believe what they believe as long as they don't attempt to force it on to me.

day 03 - your views on drugs and alcohol.



Basically, drugs are wrong. unless its prescribed by a doctor for medical reasons, then it's okay, cause you actually need it. I don't see the point in taking drugs or being "involved" with drugs. All to get "high" but is it really high? Fucking up your body just for a feeling that lasts an hour. Yes, I'm sure you'll be high when you're on your death bed.



Alcohol is okay, in moderation. I suppose if you asked most people they would be up for getting drunk or whatever. I'm not that sort of person, drinking doesnt exactly float my boat. Most teen's would probably be shocked at that. But if i'm completely honest, I'd rather be sat at home cuddled up with my boyfriend and a mug of hot chocolate than out clubbing.

day 02 - where you’d like to be in 10 years.



If you think about it; ten years isn't really that far away, I mean sure it sounds it but by the time I'm out of full-time education it will be almost four years, plus six is ten.



So, I guess in ten years, I would like to have my degree in Zoology, be working in a Zoo or animal conversation/park. I would want to be married, not a huge wedding but not a small one either - with a white dress and look all pretty. A house, for my husband and I, and our children, maybe one or two, no more than three. Lots of land/garden for some dogs, preferably Labradors - such beautiful dogs. Space in my house for guests to come and stay, i.e. my family and his. Somewhere not completely rural but not a city, thats no place to bring up children.

I just want to be happy.

day 01 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Well what can I say, you already know about my relationship if you've read my posts before. I'm dating the most perfect man on earth, we've been together ten months and seven days. It had litterally been the best time of my life. He cares about me so much, knows how to deal with my "down" days and actually listens to what I have to say. You don't often come across a real man, I mean every man is real. But the ones that make you feel like you're the only person that matters, you don't get many of those. It's unexplanable. When I'm with him, and its just us, nothing seems to matter, if somethings bothering me, it doesnt anymore. He just seems to make me melt into this carefree girl. I love that feeling. Sometimes we just sit and talk for hours, sometimes just about stupid pointless things, but thats what matters, we never run out of anything to say. theres no awkwardness. Take the other day as an example; I was upset about a few things and he pestered me to tell him, even when i started to cry he just held me, reassured me and told me he loved me. That is really all I needed, his love. Everytime he tells me he loves me its like a wave of happiness just hits me, and i get all tingley and my tummy fills with butterflies. I remember the day I brought up the courage to tell him I liked him. I was terrified he'd knock me back. Oh boy was it worth it.

I can honestly say that I'm in love with him.

I'm going to try and do this...

day 01 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
day 02 - where you’d like to be in 10 years.
day 03 - your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 04 - your views on religion.
day 05 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 06 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
day 07 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
day 08 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
day 09 - how you hope your future will be like.
day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss.
day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
day 12 - bullet your whole day.
day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
day 14 - your earliest memory.
day 15 - your favorite tumblrs.
day 16 - your views on mainstream music.
day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year.
day 18 - your beliefs.
day 19 - disrespecting your parents.
day 20 - how important you think education is.
day 21 - one of your favorite shows.
day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years?
day 23 - give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
day 24 - your favorite movie and what it’s about.
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
day 27 - a problem that you have had.
day 28 - something that you miss.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
day 30 - your highs and lows of this month

Nothing's ever easy, I should know that by now.

Tomorrow is going to kill me; emotionally and physically.

I can just tell.

I'm tired of worrying too...

No, I don't and I hate it...

onomnomnom

It's monday, and I'm stupidly tired.

I wish I was her, beautiful hair, a nice slim tanned figure and can pull off short outfits. I'm the opposite, short stupid hair, pale overly curvy body and can definately not pull anything short off.

She's a goddess and I love her

my gorgeous boy <3

it's much more perfect in real life

I want to do this...

lols

i have this fear

love this film

i never want to go back there.

today is possibly the worst day of my life.

i dont want to talk to anyone.

just curl up in a ball and sob myself to sleep.

I've come to the conclsion, i shouldnt put myself through the process of making friends. they become dicks and hurt you.

I was on such a high until people like you tore me down. I cannot be bothered with you anymore, all you seem to do is annoy and upset me. I'm happy with my boyfriend and my family, they are all I need.

To one person in particular. You make up lies and hurt people. I thought you were better than that, obviously I was wrong. Wrong about you, wrong about the way you treat people and wrong about the way you actually feel. Do you actually like your "friends" or are they actually below you, 'cause you're just the most amazing person ever aren't you? Don't try and be friendly to me, I can't be bothered with all your crap. I'm done.

"standing on the rooftops, everybody scream your hearts out"

I honestly don't think you'd wanna know what I'm thinking right now

wish i could predict my moods. it would make my life so much easier, rather being stuck like this.

26 hours until I see my gorgeous boy. Not that I counted or anything, or that I'm mega excited

Note to self: Don't be too hard on yourself, it’s not your fault you’re incapable of doing anything worthwhile.

i dont even know how i feel now.

i just don't know whats wrong with me, i haven't burst into tears like this for a while. i hate this so much.

Dear Katy Perry,

I fucking love you. you have lyrics that match my every mood. I love love love circle the drain. you are my absolute idol.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO ROCK AND ROLL, BUT YOU'RE REALLY JUST A JOKE" yesyesyesyes.


luv ya 4 lyfe
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

feel like i have so much work to do. 5 pieces, luckily, none due tomorrow.
i wanna try and do as much as possible today so i can have a relatively relaxed weekend.

should be gettting my new phone today, hopefully.

i was having an alright day until i dropped my phone and cracked the screen. fml.

i'm feeling a little better now. still scared though.

there are few words to describe how i felt yesterday. two are fucking terrified. and i still am.

i also wish people would leave me alone, i just wanna crawl under my covers and hibernate for a while.

you only want me when you want something from me. nice.
can't be bothered with you and the pathetic looks you give me.


bye.

you constand moodswings are giving me whiplash, do you want me or not? srsly, kthxbai.

foul mood, woo.

can i go crawl into my bed and sleep until 9:30 tomorrow night? please.
that way i can talk and cuddle my boy for a while, like 30mins?

then fastforward to 6:00 saturday afternoon so i can see my boy again until sunday morning when i have to go to work.

17 hours. is that it? fuck my life.


i'm not happy.

when i got of the phone to my boyfriend last night, i burst into tears. when i tried to sleep last night, i burst into tears.

yeah, basically i burst into tears a lot. 'cause i'm cool like that D:

179 words, 221 to go.

havin' dinner now, then work, then shopping, then history woo -.-

i'm gonna go shopping after work for a big bag and new clothes so that basically means i need to write 400 words before work. ah shiiite.

when i said i like writing essays i didnt mean "HEY GIMMIE MILLIONS OF ESSAYS DUE IN A COUPLE DAYS"



-.- im gonna die. srsly.

"I'll call you again in a minute?"

"I need to do some sixthform work really"

"I'll text you then"

"yeah sure"
"Okay, bye"
"Bye"
"LOVE YOU"
"LOVE YOU TOO"
"YAY!"

"hehehehehehe"

He's just too cute - i love him

so i had a crappy stressy day and my confidence level is back to zero. yayz4lyfe/.


...and now what i want more than ever is to lock myself in my room, cuddle my "little riley" under my bed wearing my boyfriends clothes that he left and hibernate until friday.

Will I ever feel good enough?

'cause I never have.

Will I ever feel good enough?
'cause I never have.

I was scared to death that i'd done something wrong and all you say is dont worry. tbh, it didnt reassure me. it should of. im sorry im a stupid bitch.

all my love.

katie xx

hah, just found out i have people looking at my blog..
well i knew there would be some kind of chance people would... didnt think people would be interested..

if you have/read my blog.. please comment? be nice.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!



i seriously am depressed.
i need a hug.

my 3rd day without seeing my boyfriend...only three to go.

who am i kidding? i miss him so much!
probably why im in a pissy mood tbh.

gah. im in such a pissy mood, and i dont know why. maybe its cos i'm tired? mm, probably.

gahhhhh. today was bad. mega mega tired. the fourth night that I haven't slept properly. WHY BODY WHY?!
i don't understand.

work was verrrrrrry busy, more busy than any Sunday has ever been. and with me being tired and irritable that's not good.

just got all my sixth form stuff ready for tomorrow, i go in at 9:30, have geography, break, btec science, study session, lunch and tutor, then home. doesn't seem so bad. we'll seeeeee.



so ima go have my self some lime milkshake, m'n'ms and text my gorgeous boy, then get an early night;

nighty night xo!

first driving lesson. didnt go as bad as i thought it would, i'm so pleased to say that.


i really must sleep tonight, thats three nights ive been tossing and turning in my bed, unable to sleep. i wish i had an off switch for the thinking/worrying side of my brain. that would make my life so much easier.

i dont know if you've read what ive written recently but i was begining to wonder if i had made the right choice staying on at my shcool for the sixthform, instead of collage. i still havent decided whether i have made the right decision for me, or whether it was considered the "easier" option. well let me tell you now, its not easy. although i prefer being able to stay living at my house and being able to see my boyfriend.



this wont mean anything to anyone but me but, im so glad you care enough to worry about how i am and feel. that means a lot, i know thats a weird thing to say. mmm, lave yahhh boyyyy.



xo

oh this is terrible. what if all of it was a mistake?



i need reassurance. now.

i've got a giraffe. a real one. just sayin'

yeah, you read that right. my boyfriend adopted one for me, called Savannah. she's beautiful and im gonna go see her soon. book time off work just for it. she's my baby now. which makes me a grandma. yay. im old.

yeah so i had a great birthday.


started sixthform today...
could it be a mistake?

i need to look
no no i dont
yes i do
no
yes
no
maybe?
no.

yeah thats pretty much the conversation running through my head right now -.-
so its like 5 and a half hours?
ah shit.

so tomorrow's my birthday. wow.

today is the day that i find out what my birthday surprise is. im so flipping excited! i cant wait.

i saw that i have an email, but i cant look, its so tempting, but i know i cant.
ahhhhhh, the suspense will kill me.

my mum said to me i will love it, that my boyfriend has put in so much thought and i'll probably cry when i find out what it is. thanks mum, that doesnt make me wanna open it even more, noooo -.-

only like 7 hours until i find out..
maybe a couple of history essays will help me forget and make the time go quicker? hahahaha, not gonna happen, but i'll do the essays anyway..


i'll keep ya posted on how im doing
xo

i need to go car shopping.

right about now i have a killer headache, i just wanna snuggle in bed and cuddle up to my boyfriend with a disney dvd and some lime milkshake.

reality. killer headache, AS Work and music. guess it'll have to do.

mhm, i was right. shouldnt of done anything for my birthday.

Is it so bad that i count down the hours and minutes until i can just fall into your arms and be held by you? To see that beautiful smile again. See those glittery blue eyes. Photos just don't cut it anymore, sure they remind me of things we've done together, but they’re not you. I don’t just want to see you, i need to see you. You wouldn’t believe how crazy and moody i get without you. You thought it was bad when you're around. Try seeing me when you're not. You’d run a fucking mile, i just know it. You're promises are the most important thing to me. That’s what keeps me going until i see you again. I’ve literally gone mad. No one would possibly understand this. I guess, now this will sound so pathetic and it will probably sound better in my head but you are my Edward and i am your Bella. Is it terrible that in New Moon, when Edward leaves Bella i always feel so sorry for her, because i could never survive if that happened to me. I don’t know why i always need you're reassurance all the time, i’m just so scared. It’s pathetic really. I’m pathetic. But I need you more than anything, because you are my whole world.

sdogv hidsfv\isvl;o\suvgpi;\ov\oihfvaio fhosughuiegf;oidfg\uiegfoi;rhfv\'oehfiusg'osdghigf

yeah thats pretty much how i feel in a nut shell.
i'll never be good enough no matter how hard i try, im just a little human wreak.

rahhhh, i do feel lower than low.
i'm sorry for everything - everything that you dont even know.
i'm so stupid its unreal.









sorry.

i wish i was as beautiful as the women you see in magazines

eurgh, i feel like shiiiiite.



But i had a lovely meal with my parents and boyfriend last night. even if a man looked like he wanted to kill me, people annoyed me with their accents and the waitor stood on my foot (Y)

i'm in a real blog-writing mood today.

mmm, having a lazy day, i know i shouldnt, i should be doing some work for sixthform, but i feel all drained at sleepy. I might go watch one of the dvds or something, something simple and easy.

I'm going out with a couple friends tomorrow, gotta catch a bus at 9:15am, ah, i hate early mornings. i'll probably be getting up at eight, maybe half seven cos i need to wash my hair. eugh, i dont even know what to wear. then after one friend goes, we're gonna get other people to meet us up there. Then tomorrow evening, im going out for dinner with my parents and my boyfriend to celebrate my GCSE results, yayay.

i really wanna go to bed, snuggle under the covers and go to sleep for a while. not an option i'm afraid.




off to watch a dvd, toodlepip xo

So, I'm going to write a longer blog today, then do some sixth form prep work.

Yesterday I had a huge urge to run out into my garden and dance in the rain, I didnt. One of my flaws is being too practical, i mean theres being practical and safe...then theres me. I wont do much out of my comfort zone i think its because im too scared. I dont really like putting myself 'out there' as it were. I'm scared. Scared of almost everything, sometimes even myself. which makes me sad, why should i be scared, i mean my whole life is changing right now, i enrolled in my sixthform today, having my 17th birthday in a week and my first driving lesson three days after that.

its so far out of my comfort zone its unreal

I wanna talk about something happier now, ooh yeah. I told you I got my results yesterday and my parent and grandparents are proud of me and happy for me. I text my boyfriend when i got home and told him my results and he said that he was so proud of me, which instantly put an even bigger grin on my face. He said that he wanted to come and see me after he finished work, so he did. When i opened the door to him he was stood there with a huge bunch of red roses - my favorite flower - my face just lit up and i just felt like crying with happiness, this day had just been so perfect, after i worried so much about it.

Its things like that that make me realised how perfect my boyfriend really is.

They say that the biggest lie a girl can tell is "I'm fine". Well my boyfriend sees right through that and wont leave me alone until he knows what's wrong with me. i love his stobborness sometimes, its so cute. he always succeeds and makes me feel better afterwards. mmm, i love him.

p.s, i didnt know you could colour words, ehehe

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY :D

i'm so so so happy. 7Cs 3Bs and 1A!

I FRICKEN PASSED MATHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! FUCK TO THE YEAHHHH.

"did you ever know that you're my hero?" pretty much what i wanna ask my boyfriend.

i know how many times i write about him and you're probably bored as fuck reading about it, but i dont careeeeeee. he's my one and only hero.

shut up and leave me alone, i dont need this right now.

ah, i negleted you. im sorry! forgive me?
yes? yayayay.


weird mood.

not quite sure how i feel about tomorrow. results day.
pretty sure im fucked.

oh shit..

i just read a blog i wrote a while ago. the one where i said about how much i miss being close to my dad.

i miss it more than ever now. i think im gonna cry.


things have changed so much.
and i better not write anymore.


bye

is it so terrible that i really want someone from my drama group to learn the B.O.B bit to Airplanes so i can sing the Hayley Williams bit?

its one of the few songs i think i can sing.

theres only one person i think could do it, maybe two...

"i could use a wish right now" yesssss :)

please, pretty please?
<3333333

"i've been waiting too long for you to get naughty, come on touch my body" YES LADY GAGA ;D

so the fact i hated Airplanes by B.O.B and Hayley Williams like two weeks ago, and now i cant get enough of it - is just well weird. i have it on youtube. Hayley Williams's voice in it is just beautiful.

oh yeah, i was moodswingy last night. not good. once again my boyfriend had to listen to me moaning and my upset-ness. i feel so fricken sorry for him sometimes. but he really cheered me up and made me realise how lucky i am. thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. not that he will read this?


right so its roughly two weeks until i turn 17 - this is scary. i can learn to drive.

for my boyfriends birthday i planned him a surprise and gave him clues ect. he never guessed what it was. and now he has a birthday surprise planned for me, and i have no idea what it is. i like to know these things, so i can prepare myself for it. but im sure i will love it :D i cant wait to find out what it is :D



<3<3<3
8months 8days, jus' sayin'

on phone.

my mammas so good to me. she bought loads of clothes and an american bag and some new boots that i wanted and cant wait to wear :D i love my mamma <3333

lols your gonna need me now right..as i was - your gonna be second best. see how ya like it :)


well looking forward to today, gym session at 11 then come home and change for going out with my boyfriend and his friends to the cinema :)

need sleepz.
noight xo

the fact that you dont give a fucking damn is pissing the hell out of me. you couldnt give two shits about me. so you know what? i dont fucking care anymore.

go on, rub it all in my face. see if i care. i have my life and you have yours, i guess we just dont mix well anymore. like oil and water.


ah. i feel so much better now.

so i didn't sleep well last night, i knew i wouldn't.
although my mood has changed, but it doesn't mean its changed to a good one, unfortunately.

i just feel that I'm no where near good enough.

lets leave it at that.



I've had a dream for a while. I've always wanted to sing Marc Cohn's song Walking in Memphis, in front of an audience. i guess, it wont happen. I'm not good enough, and i would never have the confidence to sing a solo.

ah, i wanna cry.

so i got this up on my phone. but no predictive. fack. takes ages to write one word :|

short and sweet...
bad mood

but just had a cute text that cheered me up a little :) i fucking love my boyyy<3

i hope sleep will cure my mood. probably not.
let's see, ey?


night xo

hello wednesday. i feel a little angry today. i think i know why. but hey!

im going to the gym in a couple hours, burn off calories and anger. yayay.
i desparately need to lose weight, i've gained again, friiiiick.
30mins on the tredmill i think.

i hope Mr. Stripeypjpants comes back. that would litterally make my day xD

Maybe this is just the way things were meant to be...everything happens for a reason, right?

I didn’t sleep well last night; it took me well over two hours to drift off. That’s bad. It’s not been that bad since, well...i can’t actually remember. Something tells me i will be using my lavender oil tonight. I hate when i can’t sleep, everything just runs through my head, i over-think everything, and come up with impossible and slightly depressing situations in my mind. I imagined how my life would turn out, whether i would be happy or not with choices i have and will make. It was completely unclear whether i was happy or not. Which makes me regret a little. but i guess, there’s not really time to regret anymore, i just have to get on with the choices i have made, whether they were good decisions or not.

I know that i have at least made one if not two good choices in the past year. Getting my first job, to earn money for things that i want and need. And the other, telling the person that i love, just that. That is probably the single best choice i have ever made. He genuinely makes me happy. And i honestly do not know where i would be without him. He’s helped me so much over the eight months that we've been together. He’s helping me overcome some fears of mine, and helping me face some problems that i have at the moment. He is most definitely my hero. I truly mean that.

I've realised how much things have changed over the past year, recently, meaning last night in bed. I've just grown up so much. I'll be learning to drive in a month, going to sixth form, and working. I guess it’s a lot of pressure. But once i pass my test, get my qualifications then i can do what i want, when i finally decide what that is. I really thought that i wanted to be a vet nurse, i have for years, but now i think i would much prefer working in a Zoo, still with the animals, but more in the conservation side of things, looking after their welfare and teaching people and children about them in talks. I think i would love that a lot more than being in a vet practise. So when i go to college, i want to study zoology. I think i’m quite looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life, i guess that’s what you could call it.

But, one thing, i’m only going to do what makes me happy. Not to try and please anyone else, it’s just not worth it in the long run of things, i'll only get hurt and disappointed. So i’m going to do what’s best for me, from now on.

dear blogger,

i want tumblr, shame i get confused with it and then end up sticking to you eh?

love katie x

i wish i could drive already; i wanna pack up a bag, wkd in hand drive off for a couple of days and just drink in some field maybe by some beautiful lake.

i wish i wish. too right i fucking do.

alright alright..

im sorry, things are just well...difficult.
im going for a walk, to clear my headdd.

byez/.

YOUR SO..

SDKJFH LODG;ORIJGF\ISFOAIB\LISFOHF ;\AFH '\IPHGV\I;
yeah.

hm, not in the moood. fck sake.

"all i need is an apology, is that too much?" apparently so.

y'know what. fuck you. fuck everything. im gonna do what i like now, im not gonna try to please you. or be like you to make you happy. im me!?

who said i have to make you happy anyway. you obviously are without me around, so yeaaaaah.


ah, i feel better now.

oh frick...

the lush hello kitty top i bought isnt as long as i thought it was :/ fack. i cant wear it with my green tights now. top + tights + me = shlaaaaaaaaaaag... and i'd rather not go there thanks.

k..

basically, yesterday was weird. good shopping trip with the girls, then my boyf came over, which was lovely, cos i was so weird not waking up to him yesterday morning, DAMN HIS EARLY SHIFT. ahehe. yeah im normal.

rahhhh, what to do for my birthday? any ideas?
fack.

i aint gonna lieeeee,

i've changed mannnn. again. woohoo.

"the summer is a bummer if you cant leave this pathetic excuse of a town" damn right bitch.

i dont like all the music i did before - all the screamo darker music, i like my boybands... a lot. and ofcourse paramore etcccc. but yeah. i adore JLS and nevershoutnever right now. how weird. and i actually like a lot of chart music too. i never like it. oh well. i dont actually care. i change a lot. im still me. i think? paaaa. if people dont like it, fuck off! i dont actually give a crap right now. yayayay.

if you want me in your life please let me know, cuzzz i cba with fake people and people that just dont care, yeah, kthx.

this is blunt. ooh don'cha love it.



feeeeeeeeeeeeeling good.
ciaooooo
xoxoxoxooxox <3

just a quickie..

...i have a lot to do today, but i realised i hadn’t written since Tuesday last week, sozzzzz.

Basically from Thursday to Tuesday - the best 6 days <33333




Actually don’t have time,
Ciao ox

well well..

As i said in my last blog, i would feel better next time i write - and i do.

I deactivated my Twitter account and also my dA account. I'm glad i did, although i had some of my good friends on there it was pointless me having them. dA i barely used, so deleting it really didn’t change much, as for twitter, recently i had just been putting a load of crap on there anyway, and re-reading it made me sound like some pathetic child. And i don’t want to create that impression, maybe i will re-join again one day, but not any time soon. I have a lot going on in the next few months and i just need to get on with my life rather than being dependant on some website. HAH, what am i doing on here then?

Although I hate change strongly, i am making some changes to myself. Losing weight, going to the gym more and working off all the calories that i desperately need to lose. I went yesterday - to the gym. and i was on the treadmill with my iPod blasting some Fightstar <3 and some man walked in, in what looked like stripy pyjama bottoms, and then he got on the treadmill next to me, and went straight onto speed 9.7 - a very fast run. Me being me got competitive and sped mine up a little. Then Lady Gaga came on my iPod which sent me into some madness so i sped the treadmill up even more so i was doing some very fast power walk. I ended up being on the treadmill for 10 minutes more than i had planned because of Lady Gaga and Stripy. Thanks, i actually needed that!

So in two days i'll be going to see JLS <3 eeee! I’m actually so excited. and i'm so tempted to make a banner saying 'i love you JB!' but i think my boyfriend might have something to say about it seeing as he'll be with me. hah. I hope it’s sunny, or at least dry and warm. Its gonna be so amazing.

"You're all that matters to me, the ground that you walk on, the air that you breathe, someday you'll discover i don’t want no other, believe me" - Curtis Stigers <3


Ciao ox

change...

...i hate change.

Over the past couple of days i have actually come to terms with the fact i think i have some mental problem. I haven’t been sleeping well at all, i'm stressy, i cry too much in unusual situations/places, i have serious mood swings... and well i fucked my body up. Yeah. I’m not fricken normal am i?

Please, ignore me. ima stupid bitch that is just upset. i'll be okay once i hit the gym in about an hour.

you see, i like routine, everything in its place so i know where my head and heart are at. i guess that’s the little sort of OCD thing, you know, cos everyone has something like that right? okay, i'm desperately trying to reassure myself that nothing will change, i just can’t do it. i can’t deal with change. it takes me too long to re-adjust after.

Saturday was a weird day. i won’t fill you in with what exactly happened. but... i ended up crying in a field. classy, i know. i don’t think i had ever been so scared and terrified in my life, and don’t worry, it wasn’t about anything serious, well not serious to you anyway. but yeah, i needed reassurance. which i didn’t get until i called him. and i heard the words "i love you" and i was happy again. just so you know, it was all in my head, there was nothing wrong in our relationship.



gonna get ready for the gym,
kthxbai

woah

So much has happened since i last wrote; this could end up being a long blog - if i have the energy to write it. I'll fill you in on the big things that have happened; i don’t think i have enough energy to write everything. So here it goes...

On Monday (5th July) I left school, forever. It’s kind of weird thinking about it; I’ve been going to school for 11 years, since year 5, and now it’s all over. It almost feels like i should be going back in September for another year. Instead i will be attending the sixth form, where i will study; English Lit, Geography, History and Btec Science. I'm looking forward to it, but i know this will require a lot of work. But first, I have a summer to look forward to, well, I have already started to enjoy it, despite having no full days to just relax, i always have something on, usually work.

Work can be a drag, i'm not gonna lie. I think its cos i'm not really interested in cards. And well, when you work a two hour shift in the quietest part of the day, it tends to become tedious. I usually spend half the shift hovering and tidying up. I know it sounds easy, but it’s so boring. On the other hand, i really do count myself lucky, that i have a job and i have money coming in.

With the money I get from work I want to buy driving lessons, clothes, and a holiday somewhere hot. shiiiit. i need more money. well i should be getting some back from my mum as she is paying for my hair, nails and eyebrows for prom...

Prom. Well, it was so good. I'm not gonna lie, the music wasn’t brilliant. but just everyone looked amazing. We all had such a great night, dancing and laughing...or laughing at the dancing! I don’t really know what else to say about it, except Prom king and Prom queen were quite obvious.


It’s the 8th today isn't it? *looks at calendar* eeeeeeee! that means me and my boyfriend have been together 7 months. i love you boyyyyyy! <3


Might go back to bed,
ciao ox

hm

I don’t know how this blog will turn out, just a warning.

I wish the fucking chickens would shut the hell up. It’s not doing my headache any good, but it’s too hot to shut the window. I’m probably not great company today, sorry. That’s why i kind of kept myself away from my family today; i might be a little snappy. I’m exhausted. And i'm having difficulty sleeping again. And going to bed late, is probably not the best idea. I wake up continuously through the night and wake up at 8am or if i'm lucky 9am in the morning, i know this isn’t exactly early, but it is for someone as tired as me. You would think my body would allow me to sleep, seeing as i have absolutely no energy to do anything at the moment. Its making me tired just doing this blog now, and i can’t be bothered to text. This is unusual for me. I need sleep. Might go to bed and try and get some. Fingers crossed.

So the theatre production i was in is over. And i'm really upset about it, i’m going to miss this show, it’s been great. That’s all i have to say on the matter, too tired to right to be honest.



Gonna go to bed...
Night ox

sorry, its been a while..

It’s been a few days i know, but so much has been going on in the last...*counts on fingers* six days. Some good, some not so.

As you probably read in my last blog, my trust has been broken again, by someone that i really thought i could trust. I know it was accidental, and i forgive them completely. Infact, i'm glad some of the things got out; i don’t know how i would have told the person i needed to tell. I realise now, i can probably only trust three people in my life, by trust them, i mean completely, with my life. Please don't take offence; it's probably because we're not majorly close or something.

I trust two other people almost completely but I’ve heard things, and well i know it’s my own fault that we've drifted apart. And if you're reading this, i'm so sorry, i promised myself that i would never do this, especially to you. You’re both so special to me. You’ve been there for me so much in the last few years and i want to thank you for that. I promise you that i will make sure we get close again, and i will restore everything. I miss you two so much <3

Ooh, i started my job last Saturday, i work in a little card shop, and well I say little, it’s not really. I worked on the shop floor, tidying cards because it was the day before Fathers' day. And my boss said it wouldn’t be fair to till train me on a day like that, fair enough, i'm glad they didn’t. I met some nice people; they’re really friendly and have helped me out, getting to know everything.


So, I’ve been in three shows now, all gone pretty well, actually no, they've been great. I love doing things based on the war, it’s so interesting. My bestfriends have been in it with me and my god, they have such amazing singing voices, and I mean I knew that before the show. But sitting on stage listening to them, show after show, wow. I'm pretty jealous of them really; i would never have the confidence to do that. *tears come to my eyes* ...okay, need to stop talking about this, yeah they're amazing.


I went to a theme park with my boyfriend yesterday; i had such a lovely day. I didn’t realise until we were driving in the car that he's scared of one of the best rides there. And that he wasn’t a massive fan of rollercoaster’s and he agreed to go because i'd already got the tickets and he didn’t want to disappoint me *wells up again* and i told him i wouldn’t of been disappointed and he said i looked it when his car was playing up and we thought we couldn’t go. I love that he doesn’t want to disappoint me. But i felt so bad after that. Still do. But he made me proud and went on the ride he was scared of. We went on loads of other rides - including the water ones. And got some funny photos *sniggers*. We’re both saving up now, for next year, to go to the water park one day, stay in a hotel and go to the theme park the next day. yays.

over, dad's in a mood. again. oh great.

gonna go tidy my room and sort my life out.
ciao ox

fck.

what a bad bad bad day.

I'm in such a bad mood. crying. moody. upset. angry. crying. upset.

WOW. i really thought i could trust people in my life.

just shows you gotta be really carefully nowadays.



BYE/.

nom nom

A little note to people who actually know me, i know you haven’t said anything to me or to anyone about what i have written in my blogs, but i would really appreciate if you kept it to yourself, like you have been doing, massive thank you.


I’ve been thinking a lot today and yesterday, about my future and I’ve come to the conclusion that my boyfriend wants me around, forever. And i can't tell you how happy that makes me. I want him to be around forever. He’s the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing at night, cliché i know, but it’s true. Thing is, i can actually see myself being with him in 5, 10 and more years. It’s a great feeling, knowing things are so right with someone. I know this is all very hard to believe i'm sixteen with my whole life ahead of me. But when you’re welcomed into a family that you feel very much a part of, it changes things. I guess it makes things seem more real. i just spoke to him literally 10mins ago, and he's pretty stressed, his managers at work are over-working them, as per usual- absolute slave drivers the lot of them- and i actually wanted to run to where he works in my pjs looking a mess and give him a big cuddle, i was so tempted. And i wouldn’t care, because i'd be with him. I asked him, yesterday, if he would miss me this week as i won’t see him and his response was "hell yeah, cause i love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx" well boy! Did my face light up when i read that.


Better get back into the world of lime milkshake and chemistry revision
Ciao ox

wow!

The title of the blog is my mood right now, for some bad reasons, but mainly good.

I really don’t know what happened to me yesterday, i was completely fine until i guess it was midday, i got more than a little upset with everything, mainly myself. I managed to convince myself that i had done something terribly wrong, and messed everything up. i looked at old texts and things that i thought would cheer me up, no, i was wrong it made me worse, i was crying so much and i felt awful. I don’t know what came over me, after an hour or so after that i was completely fine again, as if nothing had happened. I’ve had a lot of mood swings this week, but nothing as bad as that before, it was like i had gone mad. Luckily it was only me in the house to see it.

That’s enough bad stuff...here's the good...

I went to my bestfriends dad's 50th birthday party last night, no it wasn’t boring, the opposite actually. It was me, my two bestfriends, my bestfriends friend, my boyfriend, and later came my boyfriends mum and sister, and my two best friend’s mums. We had a right laugh, lots of wine and beer later. I had a little Rose, but i didn’t like it much. I stayed with the adults i suppose while the other girls were looking out for the "hot" drummer. In my opinion, he was ugly. And i'm not just saying that because i have a boyfriend, i generally mean it. And he smoked as well, eurgh. We were having a right laugh, my boyfriends mum and one of my bestfriends mum were off talking to other people at the time. And my boyfriend’s sister made a comment that if I and my boyfriend ever broke up she would break his legs. A bit drastic i know, but she had had a lot of wine, and she's a little protective over me i guess, it’s because she thinks of me as a sister now, well so she said. She keeps telling me i'm her sister, which is absolutely lovely. i love fitting in with their family, as his sister described it last night "you're practically family" oh it makes me so happy to hear things like that. When the DJ was playing Bon Jovi- Livin' on a Prayer we all had to go and dance, and sing along to it. One of the lines in the song is 'Take my hand we'll make it - i swear' and my boyfriend held his hand out for me and i was like awww. He’s so cute. He was dancing with me to dancing queen too. Good bit of ABBA. Then i encouraged one of my bestfriends to go talk to her childhood sweetheart from when she was four, they were talking for ages. Me and my boyfriend left and went back to mine. We watched some telly downstairs and curled up on the sofa, and he said to me "I’ve got some bad news for you, looks like you’re stuck with me forever, or i get my legs broken" and i told him that that wasn’t bad news to me. And i said to him "i feel sorry for you, you’re stuck with me" and he said "i would have it any other way" awwww <3 made me so happy!


I'm probably boring you,
So ciao ox

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy :D

I’m in such a good mood it’s unbelievable. I'll tell you why.

At the moment, I am looking forward to leaving school, the reason being, if people want to keep in contact and like me, they will and the others well obviously they don’t matter very much if they can’t be bothered. I will keep in contact with the people that I want to, end of. I have 10 days left and 9 exams. 2 of which are tomorrow, biology and history (medicine) exam.

Today, it has been six months since me and my boyfriend have been going out. I genuinely think that these have been the happiest six months of my life.

Life is generally really good right now. I got a call from a lady at a local card shop today, for an interview on Thursday morning at 11AM. I’m nervous, but she's really nice. The job is for 11hours a week and i'm not sure how much i will get paid. But moneys money right? 11 hours isn’t much and it will probably be evenings anyway.

Better revise,
Ciao ox

oooh!

I forgot to tell you my other good news, silly me.

My mum has signed me up for the gym. Yay. I’m well excited about going now. I have to go for a little introduction meeting to make a fitness plan and look around. Healthy slim girl here i come! My boyfriend might join as well, depending whether he can get out of this other gym, not that he actually goes to that one, stupid boy. But the one i'm going to has loads of treadmills, which i love, classes for aerobics which i also love, and i can start my swimming again, yay. I miss swimming every week. So hopefully by my birthday i'll be a lot slimmer and toned up. I want to wear a beautiful dress on my birthday. I guess that’s one of my incentives. I’d like to look nice for Christmas and New Year as well. And also by then, me and my boyfriend will have been together a year. And i definitely want to look good for then. I'm actually so so so excited i can’t even tell you. I’m like a little kid at Christmas. I can’t wait until the 21st of June!

Oooh. And it’s my mum's birthday tomorrow, yay. Happy birthday to the best mum in the world! <3 we're going out for lunch after my revision session tomorrow. I love her.


Ciao ox

eeheeee. happy blog!

Sorry about the crazy-ness of the title, i'm in a good and positive mood for a change.

I got my non-calculator math exam out of the way today, much to my relief it was easier than i thought it would be. Maths is the one i most panic about. I'm not sure why they put me in the top set, i struggle with maths and half the times i think my teachers are speaking a foreign language. I lost sleep over that exam, thinking back it was silly of me, but i suppose i had reason to panic. I was C-D borderline according to my teacher, which to be quite honest, shocked me, i didn’t realise i was doing that badly, i thought i had a strong C. obviously i was wrong, so i need to do really well on both math papers this week, or i will have to re-do it in sixth form, meaning i would have to drop one of my chosen options. Something i really don’t want to do.

On a happier note, tomorrow is my six months with my boyfriend, eee. You have no idea how happy it makes me, and how much i smile. That’s half a year! Wow. The longest relationship I’ve been in. And the happiest one too.

I better shush now and do some revision.
Talk soon
ciao ox

oh dear..

I found out today, medically i am unhealthy, i knew it already, but to hear it from a doctor is different. I’m at risk. frick! so she's told me to lose weight. and this time i'm determined. i don’t wanna become like those people you see on Supersize Vs Super Skinny. I don’t want to look the way i do. so i'm determined. by my birthday, which is just under three months, i want to be at least a stone lighter, if not more if it’s possible. i'm not unhappy like i used to be, so i guess it will be easier. i have a few reasons to lose weight now. medical, for myself, and for my boyfriend. i'm sure he doesn’t want to be seen with a whale. I'll let you know how it all goes. I might make an appointment with the nurse at the doctors, my doctor recommended it. she what she has to say. I want to be a size 12. i always have. but not yet got there. I will one day, i'm determined. i will do it.
i just broke down, in front of my mum. she's really supportive of me making this change and she's going to do it as well, which is a comfort. i'm going to start the week after i finish my exams, just get them out of the way before i start. i'm going to eat healthy, do exercise and weigh myself weekly. It’s a good plan. and i'm in the right frame of mind for it now.

i'll keep you posted.
ciao ox

eurgh

The title is for many reasons, i will explain.

So for the last couple of days I’ve cracked down and actually properly focused and revised. But i can’t keep the concentration going. I feel tired. And its only 14 days until i finish my exams- two weeks- oh shit.

On a happier note, i had a water fight with my boyfriend yesterday, wow i was completely drenched. I was wearing my new summer dress and it stuck to me after. I had to put my dress in the tumble dryer and dry my hair. It was really funny. But i have no idea why the hell he finds me attractive after looking at the photos. I look like a complete idiot. Another reason to lose weight i guess.

Hopefully, fingers crossed i'm going to see Paramore in November, eee. My boyfriend’s sister told me about it today, and asked if i would be interested. YES PLEASE. I’ve heard all about what Hayley Williams did recently and everyone’s making a huge deal over it. I don’t actually care to be honest. It was a mistake. If she hadn’t of been famous hardly anyone would know about it. No one would care. But because of fame, it’s a huge deal. I still idolize her. She’s so talented and beautiful. Everyone makes mistakes. So what if she has no boobs or whatever, the facebook groups are pathetic. You wouldn’t make them about some randomer from school would you? so why about her. Because it’s funny? Well actually it’s not, it’s pathetic. Everyone’s slagging her off since it happened. Well i'm sticking up for her. Everyone’s jealous of her to be honest. And they have a right to be, she's amazing.


I'm done.
ciao ox

i guess i need to say this

*deep breaths...in...out...in...out*


I don’t think i'm going to cope over the next month. I really don’t. I have most of my exams and a show to put on. Well six shows in total. I’m not worried so much about the show it’s the exams. I think for the next month i'm going to resign myself to textbooks and revision guides, these will be the reading material. They will be my friends and extended family. Ironically, i typed fail instead of family. I’m not going to have much of a social life, or life i suppose in the next month. Blogs, facebooking and tweets will probably be minimal. I suppose this Saturday will be my last night of freedom, apart from rehearsals. Spending that time with my boyfriend will be very important to me. Even if only for a few hours. I will most likely become irritable, moody and tired. As i expect i will have difficulty sleeping in the next few weeks, oh joy- something to look forward to. Oh fuuuu--- just realised i have 16 days until my last exam. Fuck.

I've also realised one of my flaws. I can’t be open about my feelings- face to face. I have some difficulty with saying things to people close to me. I think that’s why i write so much of it in my blogs because i just can’t say it to the people. take my boyfriend for example, i tell him i love him face to face- no problem- if i tried to tell him how much he actually means to me i think he would run a mile. If i told him half the things i think he would run. and also i don’t feel like i can talk to my bestfriends about all this because i don’t want to make them feel bad- they are two amazing girls that deserve so much happiness. They deserve to feel the way i do with someone by their side. Trouble is, the boys they like don’t realise how special they are. And i feel if i tell them all this stuff they will get upset- like i would feel as if i'm rubbing it in their faces. Which i don’t wanna come across as i'm doing. If you know me, you would realise i'm not like that at all.




So i best make friends with my history textbook and then my biology revision guide.
I hope to blog soon, but if not, i shall see you in just under a month.

Ciao ox

this might be a long one...

I have so much to tell you about.

Let’s start with Saturday, the rugby match that i told you i was going to. Well it wasn’t anything that i had expected, very different indeed. We travelled by lots of trains and tubes and got there i think it was about two-ish. And the rugby started at half five, so we had a fair amount of time. We went to a pub to meet my boyfriend's mum's friend, and his friend. They seemed really nice and quite funny too. Three or four pints later, not for me obviously, i hate beer. It’s horrid. We went round the corner to a smaller but more packed pub and had more drinks there, this time i had a J2O- yum. The friend that we had met up with did a lot of talking and taking the mick a little, out of my dimples. He was getting a little drunk at this point and smoking a fair bit too. I sometimes find drunk men rather pervy and repulsive- i don’t think it helped that he grabbed me round the waist and said "hello sexy" not only did it scare the shit out of me, but it made me feel really self conscious. And i don’t need to feel that anymore than i already do. I looked round to see if my boyfriend saw so i could give him a 'help-me-get-away-from-this-man' look. But he didn’t. Unfortunately for me. After that we went to the stadium and walked round a little then went to our seats, we were so close to the pitch. My boyfriend started acting like a little boy on Christmas day, it was so cute how excited he got. He's so passionate about rugby. As i found out during the match. It was so tense and they weren’t playing brilliantly. My boyfriend got very frustrated and tense himself. I didn’t like that side of him much- i think it was probably cos i don’t want to see him like that if you get what i mean, i want to make things better for him, so he's not like that. Thankfully, they did win in the end, and he was so happy about this- as was i, but not so much. We got something to eat after the match- this i was truly grateful for; i hadn’t eaten anything for 12 or so hours. We walked all the way back to the pub which took just under an hour i think. We had to walk so fast, before it got dark. My feet were killing when i got home. All in all, it was such a good day. Although, i was absolutely shattered when i got home. This was because i got up at half eight and didn’t get to bed until one in the morning. A long day.

Sunday was chilled out, then a had rehearsals which was nice. Mostly chatting to my bestfriends and having a laugh.

Monday, wow. I was having my boyfriend stay over for the first time- before i carry on, no it was not for sexual purposes, sorry to disappoint you. He came over in the afternoon and we just chilled and watched DVDs and films chatting away to each other. I discovered that the best feeling in the world is feeling so comfortable with someone that you don’t even care what you look like in the morning; i had crazy bed hair and no makeup. Yet i wasn’t bothered what-so-ever. Snuggling up in bed with him was so good. I suppose you see it in the romance films and always want it to happen to you, and when it does; wow. When i was getting ready in the morning, i got dressed in the bathroom and went back into my room to grab my make up to go and do in the bathroom and my boyfriend came in behind me and saw me putting it on and wrapped his arms around me and told me i didn’t need make up, and that i was beautiful the way i was. This made me overly happy. I cannot tell you how good it is to hear someone say that to you.

Is that the time? Oh shiiiiit.
Better go,

Ciao ox